


The Wrong Broom

by The_Playground_of_Alcor



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Death From Above, Prank War, Set after current story arc at some unknown point in the future, The First Volley, Vex's Broom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 18:14:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9083878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Playground_of_Alcor/pseuds/The_Playground_of_Alcor
Summary: When Scanlan finds a new broom, all he can think about is the perfect prank...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the discovery that there is, in the D&D Monster Manual, an object described as "A broom that is “identical to a broom of flying to all tests”, except when you actually try to use it to fly, it comes to life and starts swatting you in the face instead." When I read that, I knew what I had to do...

Vox Machina stepped into Scanlan’s Mansion, weary and eager for some proper rest after fighting an honestly surprising number of Umber Hulks in the course of their latest quest. Splitting up from the main foyer, they each went their separate ways; Grog down to the basement to train a bit and probably sleep eventually, Vex, Pike and Trinket to the spa another level down, and Percy to his workshop to craft his latest mad creation. Vax and Keyleth started on their way to her room, glad to finally have a chance for some relaxing private time again, when Scanlan stepped in front of them, stopping them in the hallway.

“Can we help you, little man?” Vax asked, a slight tired smile on his face.

Scanlan put his hands behind his back, a too-bright and eager grin pointed up at them. “I certainly hope you can. I’ll come right to the point: how’d you like to prank your sister?”

Vax’s expression immediately brightened, his eyebrows raising in anticipation. “Oh, I think you know exactly how much I’d like that. What do you have in mind?”

Keyleth hemmed and hawed at the exchange she was witnessing. “Um, I’m not sure about…”

Vax slipped an arm around her. “Oh, don’t worry, if it’s too much, we won’t do it, I promise. But come on, let’s be honest here, you know you want to do it, too, right? Besides, I’m sure it’ll be a great way to let off a little steam!”

Keyleth glanced back down the empty hallway, considering the situation, before looking back and Vax with a growing grin. “Oh, yeah, all right, let’s do it!”

Scanlan turned and started walking down the hall toward his room, speaking over his shoulder as he motioned the pair to follow. “Excellent! Now, Vax, this will require your skills in particular, but I think you might be able to help too, Keyleth.”

Coming to his room, Scanlan unlocked and opened the door enough to reach in and pull out what looked to be a rather ordinary broom. As Vax and Keyleth looked at it, though, they noticed it looked very similar to Vex’s flying broom. In fact, it looked exactly like her broom. Vax’s grin grew as he realized what sort of prank was about to happen.

Scanlan re-locked his door and turned to them with a cocky grin. “Well, I can see you’re already thinking what I’m thinking…”

Vax took the broom and looked it over, confirming that every detail matched with Vex’s source of flight. “Oh, you better believe it, Shorthalt! Where did you even find this?”

Scanlan puffed himself up, tilting his head up in pride. “Let’s just say, I have my sources. But that’s not the best part. See, it is actually a magic broom, it even activates with the same word, it just… Well, I’ll just show you.”

With that, he took the broom back, held it out in front of it, and with what sounded almost more like phlegm than any language, spoke the Draconic word for “candle”. The broom immediately sprang to life, twisting and bucking wildly in the Gnome’s hands, the brush end straining with an air of desperation to smack at its holder. Scanlan grimaced as he fought to keep his grip on it, turning his face away and closing his eyes as he waited for the motions to settle and die.

After almost 30 seconds of the frenetic activity, the broom snapped back into its original form, stilling itself once again. Scanlan opened his eyes and grinned as he saw Vax and Keyleth, leaning against the wall a few paces further down the hall, trying their best not to rupture something from laughing. “Well?” Scanlan asked as he tucked the now inanimate broom beneath his arm. “Are you in?”

Using both the wall and Keyleth, Vax pulled himself fully onto his feet, wiping a tear from his eye as he did. “Oh, you bet your tiny ass, we’re in!! In fact, there’s really no better time than now, since she’s in the spa!”

Scanlan’s eyes brightened as he heard that. “Ooh, you’re right! Come on, let’s do it! Did she leave hers in her room or take it down with her?” He asked, already making his way down the hall.

Keyleth piped up, still composing herself again. “I think they all just went straight down, so unless she had one of your servants take her gear up to her room…”

“Something that I highly doubt she’d do,” Vax said. “Then she’ll have dumped it in that little changing room just before the spa. Which is great, because that’s the best possible spot to make the switch without her noticing.”

Keyleth bounced eagerly as they walked down to the foyer. “Can I help still? Like, distract her or something? I wanna help!”

Vax thought about it for a second before speaking. “Well, Kiki, honey, you're not the best at cons, you know…” He rushed to add to his statement as her face fell. “But! But, we can keep you on lookout, ok? If you see her coming back to the change room, you can go and keep her from leaving, ok?”

Keyleth’s face brightened again as she nodded. “Awesome, let's do it!”

Making their way down the stairs, they slipped quietly past Grog as he destroyed a number of stuffed targets with his fists. Leaving Scanlan at the top of the stairs, Vax and Keyleth slipped into the locker room and over to the window set in the door to the spa/pool itself, and saw Vex and Pike chatting animatedly as they both worked at scrubbing what looked to be a very happy Trinket.

Tapping Keyleth’s shoulder, Vax motioned for her to stay there while he made the swap. Slipping away from the door, Vax found Vex’s locker and knelt in front of it, flexing his fingers before setting to work on the lock. This particular lock was special, one of Percy’s personal designs, employing a number of different tumblers at odd angles to maximize the security it provided.

After some minutes of working, Vax grinned as he popped the final tumbler, and the lock clicked loose. Pulling the door open, Vax pulled out Vex’s broom and carefully slipped the mock broom in its place, taking pains to put it in the exact same position as its counterpart. Closing and re-locking the door, Vax returned to Keyleth, tapping her on her shoulder and motioning that it was time to go.

Keyleth pouted slightly, but followed quietly back up the stairs. Meeting with Scanlan, the trio stayed quiet until they made their way back into the foyer again. Once they were sure they could speak, Scanlan spoke up first. “So, it’s done? You made the switch?”

Vax grinned broadly. “Went off without a hitch. Keyleth never even needed to serve as a distraction.” He said as he put an arm around her.

Keyleth leaned into Vax with a slight frown. “Yeah, but I wanted to be a distraction… I coulda been good at it!”

Vax hoisted the broom over his other shoulder as he patted her shoulder. “Don’t worry, you can be plenty distracting when you want to be, and not just to those we’re fighting.” He leaned towards her and planted a small kiss on her forehead, angling so her headdress wouldn’t poke at him.

Keyleth smiled at the compliment and hugged him. “Well, I guess that’s something…”

“And on that note, I need a snack. Go do whatever you were going to do, ya kooky kids!” Scanlan said as he turned and started making his way to the kitchen, already summoning a pair of his servants to cook for him.

Vax shook his head and turned Keyleth towards the stairs. “He’s right, we should rest. I get the feeling breakfast tomorrow is going to be rather eventful…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, everyone gathered in the dining hall to a fine breakfast of chicken quiche and chicken crepes. The party idly chatted across the table as they ate, planning their next movie in the course of their quest. Partway through, Scanlan looked over at Vax and Keyleth, nodding at them slyly. When they returned his nod with smiles of their own, Scanlan turned to Vex.

“Hey, Vex, y’know, I feel like it’s been a while since you’ve ridden your broom. What do you say to a little target practice, hmm?” He asked, bouncing a whole chicken in one hand.

Vex looked at him strangely. “I just flew around on it yesterday when we were fighting those monsters, what do you mean?”

Scanlan shrugged. “Well, I guess I must have missed it. Come on, give us a little show, why don’t ya?”

Vex squinted her eyes at him momentarily before finally shrugging and taking hold of her broom from beside her. Standing up from the table, she straddled the saddle Percy had so graciously grafted on and spoke the Draconic activation word.

Instead of lifting up, as she clearly expected, the broom sprang to life, twisting in her shocked grasp as it gave a small wind-up and smacked her directly in the small of her back. Dropping it in her surprise and staggering away, holding her back, the broom dropped to the floor and began quickly worming its way after her, striking out at her ankles as she kept trying to dance out of its reach.

Most of the rest of the party laughed uproariously at the sight of Vex trying to clamber onto a small cabinet to try and escape. Grog nearly broke the main table as he slammed his fist against it time and again in his mirth, while Vax and Keyleth had both fallen from their seats and were on the floor trying to breathe. Percy and Pike were both up in an instant to try and wrangle with the broom while trying, with only some success, to stifle their own laughter. 

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, the broom snapped itself back into place, freezing as the spell reset itself once again. Vex dropped off the cabinet and began stalking towards Scanlan, murder clear in her eyes. “Scanlan, I swear to every god there is, if you’ve done something you can’t fix to my broom…”

Before she reached him, Scanlan frantically motioned one of his servants into the room, and Vex saw it enter with her broom in its hands. Snatching it from the spirit’s grasp, she looked it over intently, ensuring that it was hers. Holding it at arm's length, she spoke the word again, and finally relaxed as it started to lift in her hand.

Turning to Scanlan, she glared at him for a moment before speaking. “You don’t even know what you’ve uncovered, little man. You think Vax is the only one who can prank? Please…” With that, she stalked out of the room, leaving Scanlan with a worried look as the rest of the party redoubled their laughter, eager to see the next volley in this new prank war that had begun.


End file.
